My Mission - My Story

I have big dreams.
I am the mom of a phenomenal 4.5 year old.  She is my greatest gift.
I work hard in an office all day so that I can pay my bills and give my daughter the life I never had.
Then I come home to my mommy world and I dream in the few minutes in between making dinner, reading stories, kissing boo-boos, doing some homeschooling (in addition to her regular public school), help with piano practice...you know...all that mommy stuff.
I dream big dreams - like how, someday, I will take a trip to France to study with the greatest confiseurs and pastry chefs and really learn how candy is made.
I wish too...I wish I could win the lottery or be discovered by the right person who will discover that I have an innate talent and help to give me a push in the right direction.
The truth is I never had an education.  I was raised in the insular hasidic world - where women are practically non-existent and only count when they are cooking, sewing or making babies.  I wasn't allowed to attend college.  I was barely allowed to read books - they all had to be censored.  What really hurt was that I watched my father live out his dreams of becoming a famous cantor.  But I, as a woman, was not permitted to sing.  The laws of "kol isha" (literally translated: the voice of a woman) prohibited me from doing so.  I love music.  It flows, like molten sugar, in my veins.
Likewise, I could never attend the CIA or the FCI or any other notable cooking school for fear of assimilation and also because I would likely have to cook using non-kosher ingredients, and - OH horror of horrors - have to taste what I had cooked.
So I did what I was expected to do.
And when I realized I couldn't live a lie any longer and needed to be free I left a marriage and found a job in an office selling pagers.
I had no education.  I had to do what I could.
The world, since those days about 20 years ago, has opened before me like a glorious plump oyster.
I have, however, never had the tools to really find my niche.  I didn't really have a mentor...someone to guide me and show me the way to break into a career in a field that was exciting to me.
I guess I am a late bloomer.  But I am realizing that while working in an office is really fulfilling on one level, it is not my dream.  It is not my greatest love.  I long for more.
So now...when my daughter is in bed...I create recipes.  I test recipes.  I make candy.  I bake.  I take my tasty treats to work and invite friends over for tasting parties.
Honestly, if I had the money to do so, I would probably take a class at night.  Maybe even beg my boss to allow me to take a sabbatical (I have been working for the same company for 15 years now).  I would take a trip to San Francisco and beg Elizabeth Falkner to let me be her intern.  (I would have asked Johnny Iuzzini...but I hear he's camping in the woods right now.)  I would sit at Jacques Torres' door until he agreed to teach me.  And, secretly, I wish I could be Jean-Michel Carre.
Simply put...I wish I had time and money.  And if I had the money I could definitely make the time.
But maybe...just maybe...someone will read my story and realize that I have a fire burning inside me that really wants to do something I love.  Someone that has as much faith in my dreams as I do.  Someone who has a few extra bucks - who will give me a chance to live out my dream.
Until then, I will work my ass off and help make everyone's life a little sweeter...until I get there myself.